You Have To Crawl Before You Can Run

       One of the hardest things to do during my recovery was understand that my body had just dealt with an incredible amount of trauma and it would take time to get it back to where I wanted it to be. Before I entered the hospital I weighed roughly 130lbs, at my lowest I was 108 lbs. I had lost every ounce of muscle that I had once had. I suffered extreme muscle atrophy due to the fact I was in a bed for two weeks without getting up, or even really moving. Mix that with two rounds of chemo and I was as weak as ever.
        When the doctors told me I was allowed to get out of bed, I couldn't wait to get up and just walk around. To my surprise, I could barely walk. My legs could not support the weight of my body. Plus, during the week of chemo and the week after chemo, I was lucky if I had the energy to get out of bed at all. It was hard for me to accept that this would be a long road back. My family had to keep reminding me that I had to take baby steps. So during my non-chemo week I would do what I could, going for small walks and gradually longer ones. I did this for several weeks. Finally, after four months, I started back at the gym.
        There was no greater feeling for me then being able to work out again.. Working out is what makes me happy. And not being able to do it for four months was like losing a part of who I was. Me being me, I wanted to jump right back into my old routine, twice a day, everyday. But my sister Danielle and my friend Christina both insisted I take it slow. I think they worried that my body would not be ready for it and wanted to make sure I didn't over-do it. As much as it killed me to only work out one day a week, for the first three weeks I listened to them. Then I was able to work out three days a week.
        As each day passed I could feel and see my body getting stronger. It was incredible! I was able to watch as muscles developed and formed from nothing. I know that Christina and Danielle were only looking out for my best interests. I am sure they will always worry that I am overdoing it and that probably has a lot to do with what went on this past year. I mean they saw scary things first-hand every day. But no one will truely understand what my limits are except for me. I have slowly learned what they are, and I am not going to lie, I push my body to the edge before I back down. I mean I am the guy that after only three weeks out of chemo I went out and played my first round of golf in four months. Granted it wasn't pretty, but it put a smile on my face.
        People may not have understood why I worked out so much before and maybe I couldn't give them a straight answer then, but now its because being in shape is one of the reasons I am still here today. So while it might seem excessive to some, to me it's just living. I may not be crawling now, but I am still far from running. But trust me I'll be running, and once I start there is no stopping me. I can promise that.