So as I begin my last and final round, I feel it is important to share something that was sent to me. It is a very touching letter written from a caregiver's point of view. Some forget that more than just the patient is dealing with this horrible disease. I will touch more on this in my next blog but until then enjoy, and thank you Cameron:
Helping a Loved One Fight Cancer
I'll never forget what happened on November 21, 2005. On that fateful day, by beloved wife, Heather, received a diagnosis of malignant pleural mesothelioma and I became her caregiver. As one might imagine, I wasn't prepared for the job in the least. Only three months before this terrible day, we had been feeling ecstatic over the arrival of our daughter Lily, our first and only child. We were thrilled at the idea of spending the holidays together as a family and of celebrating our baby's first Christmas. Rather than feeling joy, however, there was only chaos and sorrow upon hearing the news that my wife had cancer.
The full weight of what it meant to be a caregiver hit me before we even stepped foot from the doctor's office after my wife's diagnosis. The doctor gave us some basic information about the disease and recommended that Heather be treated by a specialist. Locally, we had the option of going to a university hospital or a regional one that was very respected, but unfortunately lacked a mesothelioma treatment program. However, the doctor also told us that there was a mesothelioma doctor in Boston, Dr. David Sugarbaker, who was an expert in the field. I stared at my wife as I waited for her to speak or to at least show some interest in one of the options. Instead, she just looked terrified and disbelieving, like she was in a nightmare she couldn't wake up from. I knew she needed help, and immediately, I told the doctor that we would be going to Boston. All I could do was hope that this doctor in Boston would be able to help my wife.
The two months that followed were pure chaos. We had no more daily routine. We had both worked full-time jobs before this happened, but Heather had to quit in order to focus on treatment and healing, and I had to move to part time to take care of everything at home. I had to juggle a job, my wife's care, trips to the doctor, arranging travel and caring for a child. Naturally, I was becoming overwhelmed. I was also terrified that, despite these efforts, I'd lose my wife anyway and be left a homeless and penniless single father. I broke down a number of times, but never in front of Heather. I knew that she needed me to be strong, and the last thing she needed was to see my fears.
My wife and I were surrounded by wonderful people willing to help. We received everything from comforting sentiments to financial aid and we'll never quite be able to express the depth of our gratitude to those who reached out to us. One important piece of advice I'd give to other people who are in a similar situation is this: When someone offers you help, big or small, accept it graciously. I had to learn the hard way that there is no room for stubborn pride in a battle with cancer. The people around you care and they're willing to do what they can to ease your suffering.
It's never easy to be a caregiver to someone who is battling a horrible disease like cancer. There's simply no way around that. You're going to feel overwhelmed, stressed out and hopeless at times and it will, in all likelihood, be the hardest trial you will ever have to endure. Unlike school or a job, you can't just say, "I quit" and forget about it. It's essential that you don't lose yourself to feelings of anger and fear. It's okay to have a bad day occasionally. It's understandable under the circumstances, but you must never stop hoping. Taking advantage of every resource available to you will help you maintain your sanity and get through the hard times.
Several years passed before our lives returned to a semblance of normalcy. Heather received surgery, chemo and radiation, and though the odds were not in her favor, she managed to beat mesothelioma. Seven years later, she's healthy, alive and free of cancer.
The biggest lesson that I took from this unfortunate experience is that my stubbornness can be a benefit and the time we have is precious. With this in mind, while taking care of my wife and daughter and holding down a full-time job, I decided to go back to school for Information Technology.
After getting a hard lesson in how to handle stress and juggle commitments while helping my wife battle a deadly disease, I was well-equipped to further my education. I was rewarded with high honors and was appointed to be the student speaker at my class' graduation. I recall the speech well. I spoke about Heather's diagnosis and said that I never imagined I'd be standing up there in front of everyone making my speech. I also encouraged everyone to hold on to hope and let them know that they're all capable of doing and enduring much more than they think they are as long as they have faith in themselves, and never stop fighting for the ones they love.
Cameron Von St. James
Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance
http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/cameron/
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